Cleaning up e-Mail

After five years of neglect I've decided to clean up my email inbox.  I have found a few little "gems" from years gone by.  This is a particular favorite.  My female friends may well be able to relate.  Hope you're as amused as I was.

This is purported to be an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's supposed to be PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Wild Things...

Here's to living on the wild side.  After a full day of work the mister and I went out for some wild and raucus music last night.  Local boys gone (somewhat big) Sons of Bill played the Jefferson Theater.  They're a country rock group with emphasis on the rock.  A little hard to pin down they play what they write and what they like.  We have another connection with them other than just the fact that they're locals.  Our daughter attended high school with the lead singer.  She rode one of those big yellow school buses with him to Western and she said he pretty much sat in the back like a slacker.  Now we know...he was just busy composing music and working on his plan for fame.  Who knew?

We enjoyed the evening and very much enjoyed getting to see the inside of the Jefferson Theater.  the JT is a turn-of-the-century movie house which was purchased and renovated by local music manager guru Coran  Capshaw (who saw early on the talent in another local band, DMB and developed them).  It looks good and the fact that they took an old movie house and turned it into a great place to hear music at a reasonable price is a bonus in my book.  (Who does $15 tickets??)

Anyhow, it was a fun night and the mister and I enjoyed an adult beverage, some good tunes and made it all the way until after midnight!  However, embarrassingly enough we were too tired to outlast the 88 year old grandpa of the bass player who was sitting in his wheelchair at a table right next to us.  Boy, what does that say about our stamina?  Yours in wimpiness...I think I need a nap.

We Are All Hokies 4-16-07

In Remembrance

• Ross A. Alameddine
• Christopher James Bishop
• Brian R. Bluhm
• Ryan Christopher Clark
• Austin Michelle Cloyd
• Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
• Kevin P. Granata 
• Matthew Gregory Gwaltney
• Caitlin Millar Hammaren
• Jeremy Michael Herbstritt
• Rachael Elizabeth Hill
• Emily Jane Hilscher
• Jarrett Lee Lane
• Matthew Joseph La Porte
• Henry J. Lee
• Liviu Librescu
• G.V. Loganathan
• Parthi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan
• Lauren Ashley McCain
• Daniel Patrick O’Neil
• Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz
• Minal Hiralal Panchal
• Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva
• Erin Nicole Peterson
• Michael Steven Pohle, Jr.
• Julia Kathleen Pryde
• Mary Karen Read
• Reema Joseph Samaha
• Waleed Mohamed Shaalan
• Leslie Geraldine Sherman
• Maxine Shelly Turner
• Nicole Regina White

We are Virginia Tech
We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.
We are Virginia Tech.
We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.
We are Virginia Tech.
The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.
We are the Hokies.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We are Virginia Tech.
~Nikki Giovanni

Gardening

Gardening

I spend a good deal of my life gardening but the flower beds around my house don't necessarily reflect it.  My gardening is not performed in the traditional sense.  My gardenening is more of a mental activity.  I do not have a lush rainforest pictured in my mind to which I retreat in times of stress.  The gardening I do is with ideas.  You see, I am not a pushy or confrontational person.  I am more on the quiet side especially if I don't know you particularly well.  Nope, when it comes to making suggestions or trying to convince someone of something I am more of a gardener.  I plant the seed of an idea.  Then periodically I return to that idea with the person in whose mind I've planted it and I water a little.  Sometimes I come back and fertilize the seed a little bit.  Over time I find out whether or not the idea has blossomed into an action or if it is destined to die on the vine before coming to fruition.  There are some folks who will never embrace a new idea, move in a new direction or come to embrace a new opinion unless nudged.  They won't accept that idea unless and until they think it's their idea, not yours.  So, I garden.  Sometimes that turns into a beautiful thing.

Done At Last!

When last I posted, dear reader, I was just beginning my gathering of information for the taxes.  I JUST finished my part and have given the form (from the accountant, thank you Jeeeezus) to dear husband so he can enter his info (of which there is little, since his office manager prepares the business info to send in).  I always feel such a sense of relief when all's said and done.  I wonder why I drag my feet and torture myself with this every single year.  I also VOW every year to be more organized in future.  O.K....some of the organization is improving. I actually have a file in which I keep MOST of my tax files.  Notice the most in capital letters...I still haven't quite got the hang of the 100% thing.  Oh, well.  Done and free at last.  Now I can have a guilt free weekend. 

Happy Easter to me.  This is better than a box of Peeps!