Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Beth - Memorial comments
Oh, how that last line exemplifies Beth Williams. There was no such thing as spare time in her remarkable life. Beth was both a planner and a doer. It seemed to me that she got up before dawn and gave the rooster a little nudge to get him up and at ‘em and she tucked the chickens in late at night before putting her house in order, maybe canning up a peck of something or another and just squeezing in a couple of hands of cards (which she often won) or maybe a round or two of charades before calling it a day.
She went cheerfully about her day with such purpose. She took everything in stride, welcomed each moment in life as a gift; an opportunity to do good. Whether it was scrubbing the bathroom or performing a favor for a friend or calling someone on the prayer line she approached every activity with enthusiasm, happiness and dedication.
Beth had plans. She was always planning something. I often said she missed her calling, that she should have been a summer camp director. If you had the great pleasure of seeing her in action up in Maine with the grandkids you would be astounded at her ability to entertain and organize this ragtag group of 7 kids whose ages spanned 11 years, not to mention her own children. The second we hit Maine she was soliciting suggestions from the kids on who wanted to do what. Each grandchild got a special day to choose the family activity. One would choose a trip to the shore, another a special treat of lunch at the dock. Also included in the mix of activities were favorite hikes like Sabbatus, Tire’m and Jockey’s Cap. A trip (or two) to Shaner’s for ice cream was another favorite.
The kids had more than just fun planned. She made up a chores chart and carefully included each child according to his or her ability to reach, hold or maneuver. Older kids were in charge of the dishes because they could reach the sink while younger, smaller ones might have floors to sweep or dusting to do. They all pitched in…sometimes even willingly. Beth was the organizer, planner and engine behind all the wonderful activities they had up in Maine. She planned for it all year. If you ever saw them leaving for a Maine expedition you would have thought that Lewis and Clark should have been so well prepared.
She had the travel down to a science as well. It was a two day drive from St. Joseph to Maine, so all the kids had one “overnight” backpack with essentials and their suitcases were all stuffed in the back of the van, never to see the light of day until the car reached its final destination. That backpack held whatever the kids needed for two days of travel. The night before their trip the kids slept in their travel clothes so all they needed to do was to get up and brush teeth and hop in the car. She ran a tight ship.
On the road, Beth had activities planned for the kids at rest stops. Lunch was often packed so all they had to do was to find a rest stop, get out the food and the toys and go about their business. The kids were encouraged to eat, get a little exercise and then hop aboard the train, ‘cause it was pulling out.
As the kids grew older her planning changed. She moved on from just doing hikes and shore excursions to activities that were farther afield. I was able to take one memorable trip with her. to Prince Edward Island in Canada to visit all of the Anne of Greene Gables sights. She, of course, had planned well. Having talked with neighbors at the cabin she got the name of a working farm bed and breakfast where she booked our stay. The girls so enjoyed the farm, complete with kittens and a new calf in the barn, they were almost as content to stay at the farm as they were to go visit the sights. She arranged in advance for tickets to the Anne of Green Gables play in Charlottetown, which event was the hit of the trip. She mapped out our tour of the island, making sure we hit all the Anne highlights there were.
The kids hiked part of the Appalachian Trail, they went on a whale watching trip and to a wolf preserve near Boston, a ferry to Monhegan Island and the puffins, and they traveled over to the Trapp Family Inn in Vermont. Each year, Beth planned a special excursion. She had the date fixed and would write out instructions for the kids as to what they were to pack and how long to expect to be on the road, but didn’t tell them where they were going. I think they had as much fun guessing the adventure as they did going…well almost as much fun.
Our Beth was a great planner. One thing that I am certain she had planned was the afterlife. Homegoing, homecoming, death…whatever you choose to call it. Beth was a true believer. A strong and devoted Christian her entire life, Beth had faith in her Lord, her Savior and life everlasting. She was not a Johnny-come-lately to Jesus. She was a fulltime, lifetime believer and was happy to share her faith with all she encountered. She touched lives.
I read a joke recently. A banker arrives at the Pearly Gates carting this huge, heavy suitcase. He gets to the front of the line, sets down his suitcase and St. Peter says, “I don’t know what you’re hauling there, Mister, but you can’t bring anything in here.” The banker, distraught, looks up and says, “But it’s my life’s work. I spent so much time and effort to get all this. I just can’t let it go.” So, St. Peter kindly says, “Well, open the suitcase and let’s see what you have that’s so important.” The relieved banker opens the suitcase and St. Peter sees that it is stuffed to the brim with gold bricks…hundreds of them. The banker is beaming. St. Peter looks at him quizzically and says, “You brought pavement??” Well, Mom didn’t bring pavement to the Pearly Gates. She brought the love of all who knew her; all of the people whose lives she had touched. We are all better people for it.
I don’t know if ice cream and chocolate are available in the afterlife, but if they weren’t already, then my guess is that Mom is making plans.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Beth Greiner Williams
Beth was a planner. In fact as early as last Tuesday she was planning dinner at a local Italian restaurant and a side trip to WalMart to pick up a few things. That was the night that her legs had given out and her left side was rendered virtually useless, but our Beth had plans! She was a wonder and a wonderful person.
Born in Riga, Latvia, she had travel in her blood. Her father went around Europe setting up YMCA's in various countries. In fact his work was not confined to just Europe, they also spent some time in China later. Beth and her sister Jean (also deceased - in 2007 from Parkinson's) were both born in Latvia. I learned only recently that English is Beth's second language. Although she was born into an American family she spoke German for much of her first years, learning English when the family moved to the States when she was 7 years old.
When the family was in China she, her sister, and mother had to be evacuated during the Japanese invasion, much like what was shown in the movie, Empire of the Sun.
The family eventually settled in White Plains, NY. Beth and sister Jean attended school there. Both went to Mt. Holyoke College in Massachusetts. Beth still attended annual reunions with some of her old college friends from Holyoke.
Beth met a handsome young redheaded man at a college dance, Murray Williams. They were married on December 27th, 1949. Murray was a fairly new West Point grad and I think their honeymoon consisted of a whole weekend before having to report to some duty station or another. Beth handled that with the grace that showed throughout her life.
The four children were born over a period of about 10 years. Murray Jr. came first in '50 or '51. A few years later John arrived in '54. Linda followed about 1957 and the baby, Rob just hit 50 years this year, so was born in 1959. Little did Beth know, but when she left the older boys in charge of the younger kids when she and Murray had a date night, Murray and John would put Linda and Rob on their shoulders and have chicken fights. They also would mount a net to her teak dining table and play table tennis on it. I would bet good money on her suspecting some shenanigans, but she could never get them to 'fess up...at least while they were young. If you were to ask me who the instigator was in all of this I'd have to say that I'm probabaly married to him. John shares his mom's sense of fun.
Beth missed her calling. She should have been a camp counselor. In fact, she likely felt that she was when the kids were young. When we went to Maine she had everything planned out...lots and lots of activities. She wanted to know what day we wanted to climb Sabbatus, Tir'em, and Jockey's Cap; what day we wanted to have the sailboat races on the lake. She planned an annual birthday party for some time during the month they spent in Maine and had lots of fun activities for that day. There was always a scavenger hunt (a ploy she worked out to send the kids running up and down the road, and up and down the hill to the water front in an attempt to tire them out for later). She always had treasures for the kids to find at the end of the scavenger hunt. The only year that failed was the year they did the parable of the burning bush and one of the uncles accidentally set fire to the barrel that had the gifts in it. (No, you light the fire AFTER the kids have found the toys!) That was probably 10 years ago and Beth still laughed when describing the long faces on the cousins as they poked through the remains of the fire looking for any kind of a trinket. The birthday celebration day also had the annual balloon pop competition as well as a pinata most years. The woman knew how to plan a good time.
The best thing about her was her loving, gentle manner and her quick laugh. She was a very happy person. Upbeat, she didn't give you long to sit and mope. There were too many things to get out and get done. A devout Christian, she lived a good, honest life with a sincere devotion to God that few have. She was not planning to die this soon, I'm sure of that. But, she had planned her entire life for the afterlife and I do hope she is reaping the rewards of that planning. I picture her reunited with Murray Sr. now. If God didn't plan for chocolate and ice cream in the afterlife, I'll just bet he's getting a suggestion from someone I know and love right this minute. Rest in peace, Beth. You were a great wife, mother and mother-in-law. I wish everyone could have known you.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Beth
Friday, July 10, 2009
And now she's worse...
Mom is not waking up this morning- she is resting comfortably, but did vomit during the night and has vomited again as we were working with her. the hhnurse is calling the docotr and will call back. there's a lot going on now. Ashley and Hannah are awesome. Cindy is coming. Tim, please call Linda and update her. Les, I tried to use John's pager #, but may not have been successful. I'm not calling 911 bc she seems to be comfortable.
So double shit. Comatose is not a good progression. I really, really hate this.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Well shit...
Mom has no use of her legs now. Her left side is especially weak. There is more confusion. Appetite, cardio-resp are fine. She is home-bound until we figure out transportation service.
Home care nurse Melody came over today and was real helpful. She explained hospice care and skilled care and their limitations. She recommended getting a prognosis from Dr. Van A -even by phone(which I did today). She had Mom choose whether she wanted hospice care yet ('not yet, thank you'), and she explained what we need and how to get it (wheel chair and gate belt)-which we have now.
I missed Dr Van A's call, but he left voicemail and then talked to Cindy also. He said "the prognosis is not good and you should probably get hospice care." And he added to Cindy he would talk with Dr B to see whether radiation is worthwhile- weighing quality of life against improving survival chances I guess...
Mom's spirits are pretty good...she still wants to take the family out to Rizzo's (restaurant), run out to WalMart to get items, and does not realize/accept how dire her situation is...
I think she is beginning to realize, and it is getting her down...I try to be direct and open with her, but don't want to crush her hopes with this...
any thoughts?
Cindy and Ashley are awesome.
thanks, and love,
What's a devoted daughter-in-law to do? This sucks. It really sucks. I have the best mother-in-law in the world and she doesn't deserve this. Never smoked a cigarette, never had a drink and still belted down her milk with her evening meals...not to mention her daily exercise and energizer bunny devotion to chores. Oh, and on a first name basis with God. Seriously, if you were to adopt some kind of positive karmic lifestyle to ward off evil diseases, this woman is the poster child. Evil, evil disease.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday and Friday in Maine
Finally found our way to Mt. Washington and without a single hesitation drove on in and paid our fare to drive up. And what a drive it was. The road winds up 8 miles and 6,000 feet. To say it's steep and winding is an understatement. Fortunately, the caretakers managed to put quite a few turnouts along the way, so there was a respite from the white knuckle road trip.

We did finally make it to the top. The views on the way up were spectacular...although I should have kept my eyes on the road. It began to get a little dizzying towards the top where there are switchbacks and sheer drop offs...just a tad disconcerting. We found a nice fellow traveler in the parking lot to get a picture of all the girls in one shot. A tour around the top included a trip to the gift shop (of course!) and a look see in the Tip Top Hotel. We were in and out of clouds for much of the visit, but managed a few moments of clarity and got someone to take a picture of Marilin, Les and Kathy at the summit marker. I kept looking around for someone advertising to do the return drive for a fee, but alas, there were no takers. I kept my eyes peeled to the road on the trip down. Doesn't pay to look over the side in those dizzying circumstances. Got a quick lunch at the bottom then off to North Conway and Cathedral Ledge.
Cathedral Ledge is a lovely overlook that you can drive or hike to. We opted to drive. The views from Cathedral Ledge are spectacular. There is also a view of the climbers...this being a popular climbing spot. The sign behind Gladys reminds people not to throw anything over the edge to avoid hitting the climbers. One would think you wouldn't have to tell people that, but oh well...
After the trip to Cathedral Ledge it was time to return to the cabin so we could make our date with Ken's Kove. We had a 6 p.m. lobster pick up time scheduled and we were not going to miss it. We did a Williams' family tradition with all the fixin's at the house and a pick up of steamed lobster. It was deeelish. I did end up haivng to take a quick lie down after we returned. The trip up Mt. Washington had given me a little bit of vertigo. I think the next time I attempt that I'll have to pay someone else to drive me up.
After all the errands were completed in Bridgton I had a request for ice cream. Well, if you're in Maine there is only one place for ice cream for the Williams clan. That's Shaner's in South Paris. Shaner's has been there for years. Used to be the store front for a local dairy and they make all their own ice cream....and sherbet as I found. So, we hopped in the car and drove over towards Norway and then into South Paris. Found Shaner's and the girls bellied up for ice cream.
Gladys waiting for her peanut butter ice cream and hot fudge sundae. Kathy with her "boring" (her words, not mine) vanilla and strawberry selection.
Tuesday and Wednesday in Maine
After breakfast it was time to head into Portland to pick up the fifth member of our group, Gladys, who was coming in for the remainder of the week. Found Gladys without any problems at the jetport. Got directions to the Lobster Shack in Cape Elizabeth just south of Portland. It ended up being a place where I had been with the inlaws and nieces and nephews many years ago. It's obviously a Portland area institution. Weather was a bit rainy so we couldn't sit outside at the picnic tables. The inside was nice, if very busy. Thanks, Maureen, for the lobster treat.
Marilin and Gladys wait patiently for our number to be called.
Interesting yard sculpture in front of the gift shop.
Sunday and Monday in Maine

After a brief stop at the Shaw's in Wyndham to pick up lobster rolls for lunch, we mosied west on Route 302, finally arriving at the cabin mid-afternoon. We unloaded, claimed beds and bedrooms, opened shutters and sat down to yummy Maine lobster rolls.

After lunch, a quick trip down to the water was in order. Unloaded the kayaks from the boat house and readied them for our first trip. Then back up the hill to the cabin.
Got together a shopping list and then headed into Bridgton for groceries. First, made a quick stop at The Corn Shop Trading Company. Just needed to boost the economy a little bit. It's one of my favorite shops in Bridgton with very friendly owners and an adorable, friendly dog. One of the best places for souvenirs and gifts in town. Marilin and Kathy picked up some goodies for friends back home.
On to Hannafords for food for a couple of days. We each had a night to cook for everyone. First rule: easy meals and as much lobster as possible. Les kicked off the cooking with some chicken tortilla soup. Perfect for a drizzly cool June evening in the north woods. Followed dinner with a game of manipulation rummy despite Marilin and Kathy's protests. They claim not to be gamers, but if you're in Maine at the Williams cabin, a game or two in the evening is required!
Monday morning greeted us with a little rain. We got the old percolater coffee maker revved up and heated water for tea and plotted our day.
Marilin in the kitchen Kathy on the porch
After breakfast we took a quick trip over to North Conway, New Hampshire to check out the LLBean outlet store and Settler's Green, a whole whopping bunch of outlet shops. Also took the laptop so we could check email. Settler's Green has free wifi and we took advantage of that.
Finished up by late afternoon and drove through Fryeburg in time for Les to do a Weight Watcher's weigh in. Down 2.8lbs for the week. Whoo Hoo! I can maybe have a little butter with my lobster!!
Home and Kathy's night for chicken stir fry. Followed by wine for the wine drinkers and chatting....lots and lots of chatting.
UVA Women Year 8
At Ad's house we met his new friend, Cynthia. I was delighted to meet this fine woman who apparently is his new girlfriend. Now, I wonder when Cosmo and GQ are going to get on board with the "dating in your 80's" articles? Anyhow, Ad and Cynthia look to be a fine match with mutual interests and a comfortable manner. They both live in the same retirement area and each knew the other's spouses (now both deceased) and both Ad and Cynthia were in the same group for spouses of terminal patients, so have that in common as well.
We left quickly for a wonderful dinner at the Apollo Restaurant which is in an old warehouse near downtown East Hampton. This year East Hampton is hosting the Bear Festival and have a number of adorable painted bears situated all over the city. Much like the bulls in Chicago, the big apples in the Big Apple, and the Mermaids on Parade in my hometown of Norfolk, the bears were painted by local artists and are on display until being auctioned off. http://easthamptonbearfest.com/photos/ Unfortunately we didn't get any pictures of the bears on display, but you can follow the link for more info.
The next morning, Father's Day, we met Adison's son, David, at Sylvester's in North Hampton for a nice brunch. http://www.sylvestersrestaurant.com/sylvesters.html Sylvester's is the home of a former minister and proponent of vegetarian diet from the 19th century, Sylvester Graham. Also father of the graham cracker he was apparently a nutritionist ahead of his time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvester_Graham
Adison and David Cate at Sylvester's.
Marilin, Adison, Cynthia and Maureen on the streets of North Hampton.
We left North Hampton about 10 to drive into Boston to pick up another roommate, Kathy, who was visiting sons Carter and Brian who live in the city. After a successful rendezvous we were off to the Maine woods.
Independence Greetings
Plucked four nice yellow squash off the vines yesterday. Cukes, peppers and tomatoes still too small and need just a bit more incubation time. Also still need to deer-proof the tomatoes. Yeah, I know they're pretty and you all saw Bambi and all that, but if they don't leave my 'maters alone I'm going Rambo on their cute little asses. Now THAT will be some fireworks.