suicide. O.K. All together now: eeew. Yeah, I know. I feel the same way. It all started with a random reference in a book to a man who I knew 30+ years ago who had committed suicide at the ripe old age of 26. I blogged about it and later was having a conversation with my sister about it. She told me about the brother of a friend who, years ago, committed suicide on the day of the brother's wedding. How is THAT for spectacularly selfish? We also discussed the death-by-his-own-hand of Robert Ramage, a charming Scotsman with a delightful accent who had worked with our father in the newspaper business. Dad's accurate assessment of the act (especially since Ramage had left behind a wife and children) was "selfish bastard". I have to admit I agree with him.
So, my sister and I had our conversation about suicide. (And many other things since her husband had time to go to a fish fry, eat, socialize and return before we got off the phone. I have a knack for keeping people on the phone. Reach out and touch someone indeed.)
About two hours later the phone rang. From the area code I could see it was a call from WVA. I have a dear friend, Gladys, who just moved to the Mountain State a month ago so I presumed it was she. Sure enough it was. She told me that a mutual friend of ours whom we had worked with in the Neurosurgery Department at Harborview Hospital back in the 90's had committed suicide by jumping off of the Admiral Way Bridge in West Seattle on Tuesday. Boy, was that a surprise. I didn't know Sheila as well as Gladys had, but we had been on a friendly basis and I liked her. She was a spitfire with a quick laugh and smile and a joking manner. Who knew what was brewing in her head to make her do something like that? Gladys had lived in Durham not too long ago and Sheila and another friend from the Neurosurgery Department had traveled out to visit. They were gracious enough to make the trip up to visit us in Charlottesville. Sheila was the same old friendly, happy-go-lucky gal whom I had known in Seattle. Apparently shortly after they returned from that trip Sheila started hanging out with an older man and cut off a lot of her ties to old friends.
Gladys told me lots of folks from the old Department (Sheila had moved to a different Dept at Harborview by this time) had tried to get in touch with her over the years. Apparently there had been rumors. Drugs, money problems...that kind of thing. Of course that's all pure speculation at this point. It's folks who cared, but couldn't get through to her who are trying to justify this horrid act in their own minds. Can't blame them. I do know some of these people and I know they would have helped Sheila if she had let them. So, I am saddened by the news. I do know that it is a supremely selfish act. I am sorry for Sheila and her family. I am sorry that her brother had to go to the police station to file a missing person's report only to be led to the morgue to identify her body. I am sad for all the patients, co-workers and friends who won't have Sheila around to share a joke or a Seattle sunset. I am sad for all the folks who may have seen her jump from the bridge and whose lives will be a little darker for that vision.
In case anyone reading this doesn't get it, suicide is selfish. It is a horrible way to leave your friends, co-workers, family and even random strangers on the street who have to deal with the aftermath. There is no money problem so big, no addiction so great, no angst so deeply felt that it cannot be overcome if you just get the right kind of help. I'm not saying that you need to just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again like the old song says. I'm saying there are good, honest, caring professional people out there who can help you no matter how bad you think things are. I think folks who end up committing suicide are living inside their heads too much. They're blinding them selves to the efforts of family and friends who are reaching out to help them. I have no idea why. I just know that there are lots of solutions out there no matter the problem. So, this is my PSA for the week. If you're considering suicide seek help. Call a hotline, visit your minister, pray, go see a friend, reach out and touch someone. Just don't go jumping off of bridges. Leaving behind a legacy of pain, guilt and anger is not the way to go out. Just don't do it.
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2 comments:
so sad when life can be filled with such joy.
I know. I don't get it. Someone posted on the West Seattle blog that they had spent the weekend with Sheila and they had a great time. So what happened between Sunday night and Tuesday morning that made her throw herself off a bridge into a ravine? Wow.
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