Beth - Memorial comments

A friend of mine sent me one of those “cute things kids say” columns for Mother’s Day this year. It has excerpts from the internet on “Why God made moms”. There were questions like, “Why did God make mothers?” (She’s the one who knows where the scotch tape is and mostly to clean the house.) How did God make mothers? (He used dirt. He made her just like me, but He used bigger parts, etc.) What ingredients are mothers made of? (Clouds and angel hair and everything nice…and one dab of mean.) Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom? (We’re related.) It ended with a classic line that defined my own mother-in-law. What does your Mom do in her spare time? (Mothers don’t do spare time.)

Oh, how that last line exemplifies Beth Williams. There was no such thing as spare time in her remarkable life. Beth was both a planner and a doer. It seemed to me that she got up before dawn and gave the rooster a little nudge to get him up and at ‘em and she tucked the chickens in late at night before putting her house in order, maybe canning up a peck of something or another and just squeezing in a couple of hands of cards (which she often won) or maybe a round or two of charades before calling it a day.

She went cheerfully about her day with such purpose. She took everything in stride, welcomed each moment in life as a gift; an opportunity to do good. Whether it was scrubbing the bathroom or performing a favor for a friend or calling someone on the prayer line she approached every activity with enthusiasm, happiness and dedication.

Beth had plans. She was always planning something. I often said she missed her calling, that she should have been a summer camp director. If you had the great pleasure of seeing her in action up in Maine with the grandkids you would be astounded at her ability to entertain and organize this ragtag group of 7 kids whose ages spanned 11 years, not to mention her own children. The second we hit Maine she was soliciting suggestions from the kids on who wanted to do what. Each grandchild got a special day to choose the family activity. One would choose a trip to the shore, another a special treat of lunch at the dock. Also included in the mix of activities were favorite hikes like Sabbatus, Tire’m and Jockey’s Cap. A trip (or two) to Shaner’s for ice cream was another favorite.

The kids had more than just fun planned. She made up a chores chart and carefully included each child according to his or her ability to reach, hold or maneuver. Older kids were in charge of the dishes because they could reach the sink while younger, smaller ones might have floors to sweep or dusting to do. They all pitched in…sometimes even willingly. Beth was the organizer, planner and engine behind all the wonderful activities they had up in Maine. She planned for it all year. If you ever saw them leaving for a Maine expedition you would have thought that Lewis and Clark should have been so well prepared.

She had the travel down to a science as well. It was a two day drive from St. Joseph to Maine, so all the kids had one “overnight” backpack with essentials and their suitcases were all stuffed in the back of the van, never to see the light of day until the car reached its final destination. That backpack held whatever the kids needed for two days of travel. The night before their trip the kids slept in their travel clothes so all they needed to do was to get up and brush teeth and hop in the car. She ran a tight ship.

On the road, Beth had activities planned for the kids at rest stops. Lunch was often packed so all they had to do was to find a rest stop, get out the food and the toys and go about their business. The kids were encouraged to eat, get a little exercise and then hop aboard the train, ‘cause it was pulling out.

As the kids grew older her planning changed. She moved on from just doing hikes and shore excursions to activities that were farther afield. I was able to take one memorable trip with her. to Prince Edward Island in Canada to visit all of the Anne of Greene Gables sights. She, of course, had planned well. Having talked with neighbors at the cabin she got the name of a working farm bed and breakfast where she booked our stay. The girls so enjoyed the farm, complete with kittens and a new calf in the barn, they were almost as content to stay at the farm as they were to go visit the sights. She arranged in advance for tickets to the Anne of Green Gables play in Charlottetown, which event was the hit of the trip. She mapped out our tour of the island, making sure we hit all the Anne highlights there were.

The kids hiked part of the Appalachian Trail, they went on a whale watching trip and to a wolf preserve near Boston, a ferry to Monhegan Island and the puffins, and they traveled over to the Trapp Family Inn in Vermont. Each year, Beth planned a special excursion. She had the date fixed and would write out instructions for the kids as to what they were to pack and how long to expect to be on the road, but didn’t tell them where they were going. I think they had as much fun guessing the adventure as they did going…well almost as much fun.

Our Beth was a great planner. One thing that I am certain she had planned was the afterlife. Homegoing, homecoming, death…whatever you choose to call it. Beth was a true believer. A strong and devoted Christian her entire life, Beth had faith in her Lord, her Savior and life everlasting. She was not a Johnny-come-lately to Jesus. She was a fulltime, lifetime believer and was happy to share her faith with all she encountered. She touched lives.

I read a joke recently. A banker arrives at the Pearly Gates carting this huge, heavy suitcase. He gets to the front of the line, sets down his suitcase and St. Peter says, “I don’t know what you’re hauling there, Mister, but you can’t bring anything in here.” The banker, distraught, looks up and says, “But it’s my life’s work. I spent so much time and effort to get all this. I just can’t let it go.” So, St. Peter kindly says, “Well, open the suitcase and let’s see what you have that’s so important.” The relieved banker opens the suitcase and St. Peter sees that it is stuffed to the brim with gold bricks…hundreds of them. The banker is beaming. St. Peter looks at him quizzically and says, “You brought pavement??” Well, Mom didn’t bring pavement to the Pearly Gates. She brought the love of all who knew her; all of the people whose lives she had touched. We are all better people for it.

I don’t know if ice cream and chocolate are available in the afterlife, but if they weren’t already, then my guess is that Mom is making plans.

Beth Greiner Williams

My mother-in-law, Beth Greiner Williams, died peacefully in her sleep early this morning. Brother-in-law, Rob, called us at a little after 6:00 a.m. to deliver the news. She had daughter Linda and niece Mary Mitchell in with her. Rob and his family were getting some much needed sleep. Funeral arrangements are still pending. There will likely be a memorial service in St. Louis. Burial will be at West Point with her beloved husband of more than 50 years, Murray. It may not be for a little while as it takes some time to schedule the services there. Murray Jr., a West Point grad like his father, is very familiar with the ins and outs of Army red tape, so will be making all those arrangements. Would like to do something up in Maine with the family. It was such a special place for her. The only year she missed going up there since 1965 was the year that Murray was terminally ill.

Beth was a planner. In fact as early as last Tuesday she was planning dinner at a local Italian restaurant and a side trip to WalMart to pick up a few things. That was the night that her legs had given out and her left side was rendered virtually useless, but our Beth had plans! She was a wonder and a wonderful person.

Born in Riga, Latvia, she had travel in her blood. Her father went around Europe setting up YMCA's in various countries. In fact his work was not confined to just Europe, they also spent some time in China later. Beth and her sister Jean (also deceased - in 2007 from Parkinson's) were both born in Latvia. I learned only recently that English is Beth's second language. Although she was born into an American family she spoke German for much of her first years, learning English when the family moved to the States when she was 7 years old.

When the family was in China she, her sister, and mother had to be evacuated during the Japanese invasion, much like what was shown in the movie, Empire of the Sun.

The family eventually settled in White Plains, NY. Beth and sister Jean attended school there. Both went to Mt. Holyoke College in Massachusetts. Beth still attended annual reunions with some of her old college friends from Holyoke.

Beth met a handsome young redheaded man at a college dance, Murray Williams. They were married on December 27th, 1949. Murray was a fairly new West Point grad and I think their honeymoon consisted of a whole weekend before having to report to some duty station or another. Beth handled that with the grace that showed throughout her life.

The four children were born over a period of about 10 years. Murray Jr. came first in '50 or '51. A few years later John arrived in '54. Linda followed about 1957 and the baby, Rob just hit 50 years this year, so was born in 1959. Little did Beth know, but when she left the older boys in charge of the younger kids when she and Murray had a date night, Murray and John would put Linda and Rob on their shoulders and have chicken fights. They also would mount a net to her teak dining table and play table tennis on it. I would bet good money on her suspecting some shenanigans, but she could never get them to 'fess up...at least while they were young. If you were to ask me who the instigator was in all of this I'd have to say that I'm probabaly married to him. John shares his mom's sense of fun.

Beth missed her calling. She should have been a camp counselor. In fact, she likely felt that she was when the kids were young. When we went to Maine she had everything planned out...lots and lots of activities. She wanted to know what day we wanted to climb Sabbatus, Tir'em, and Jockey's Cap; what day we wanted to have the sailboat races on the lake. She planned an annual birthday party for some time during the month they spent in Maine and had lots of fun activities for that day. There was always a scavenger hunt (a ploy she worked out to send the kids running up and down the road, and up and down the hill to the water front in an attempt to tire them out for later). She always had treasures for the kids to find at the end of the scavenger hunt. The only year that failed was the year they did the parable of the burning bush and one of the uncles accidentally set fire to the barrel that had the gifts in it. (No, you light the fire AFTER the kids have found the toys!) That was probably 10 years ago and Beth still laughed when describing the long faces on the cousins as they poked through the remains of the fire looking for any kind of a trinket. The birthday celebration day also had the annual balloon pop competition as well as a pinata most years. The woman knew how to plan a good time.

The best thing about her was her loving, gentle manner and her quick laugh. She was a very happy person. Upbeat, she didn't give you long to sit and mope. There were too many things to get out and get done. A devout Christian, she lived a good, honest life with a sincere devotion to God that few have. She was not planning to die this soon, I'm sure of that. But, she had planned her entire life for the afterlife and I do hope she is reaping the rewards of that planning. I picture her reunited with Murray Sr. now. If God didn't plan for chocolate and ice cream in the afterlife, I'll just bet he's getting a suggestion from someone I know and love right this minute. Rest in peace, Beth. You were a great wife, mother and mother-in-law. I wish everyone could have known you.

Beth

Talked to Rob today. Beth is still comatose. Her breathing is growing more shallow, but she is still breathing. Rob kindly put the phone up to her ear and I had the chance to tell her I love her and that the best thing I could hope for Christine is that she have a mother-in-law who is just like Beth. She has been wonderful in so many ways.

And now she's worse...

Today's email from brother-in-law, Rob reads,

Mom is not waking up this morning- she is resting comfortably, but did vomit during the night and has vomited again as we were working with her. the hhnurse is calling the docotr and will call back. there's a lot going on now. Ashley and Hannah are awesome. Cindy is coming. Tim, please call Linda and update her. Les, I tried to use John's pager #, but may not have been successful. I'm not calling 911 bc she seems to be comfortable.

So double shit. Comatose is not a good progression. I really, really hate this.

Well shit...

Was hoping for better news from the folks in St. Louis, but the following is the text of my brother-in-law's latest email on my mother-in-law's condition on her lymphoma with mets to the brain:

Mom has no use of her legs now. Her left side is especially weak. There is more confusion. Appetite, cardio-resp are fine. She is home-bound until we figure out transportation service.

Home care nurse Melody came over today and was real helpful. She explained hospice care and skilled care and their limitations. She recommended getting a prognosis from Dr. Van A -even by phone(which I did today). She had Mom choose whether she wanted hospice care yet ('not yet, thank you'), and she explained what we need and how to get it (wheel chair and gate belt)-which we have now.

I missed Dr Van A's call, but he left voicemail and then talked to Cindy also. He said "the prognosis is not good and you should probably get hospice care." And he added to Cindy he would talk with Dr B to see whether radiation is worthwhile- weighing quality of life against improving survival chances I guess...

Mom's spirits are pretty good...she still wants to take the family out to Rizzo's (restaurant), run out to WalMart to get items, and does not realize/accept how dire her situation is...
I think she is beginning to realize, and it is getting her down...I try to be direct and open with her, but don't want to crush her hopes with this...

any thoughts?
Cindy and Ashley are awesome.
thanks, and love,

What's a devoted daughter-in-law to do? This sucks. It really sucks. I have the best mother-in-law in the world and she doesn't deserve this. Never smoked a cigarette, never had a drink and still belted down her milk with her evening meals...not to mention her daily exercise and energizer bunny devotion to chores. Oh, and on a first name basis with God. Seriously, if you were to adopt some kind of positive karmic lifestyle to ward off evil diseases, this woman is the poster child. Evil, evil disease.

Thursday and Friday in Maine

Thursday dawned bright and sunny as promised. After breakfast we headed over to the White Mountains of New Hampshire. It was time to attempt the Mount Washington road. First stop was a little pull out on the Swift River off the Kancamagus highway. A beautiful spot, if only a little out of our way. Had tried to find the West Side Highway around North Conway. Ended up having to route back through, but the side trip had been worth it.


Finally found our way to Mt. Washington and without a single hesitation drove on in and paid our fare to drive up. And what a drive it was. The road winds up 8 miles and 6,000 feet. To say it's steep and winding is an understatement. Fortunately, the caretakers managed to put quite a few turnouts along the way, so there was a respite from the white knuckle road trip.

We did finally make it to the top. The views on the way up were spectacular...although I should have kept my eyes on the road. It began to get a little dizzying towards the top where there are switchbacks and sheer drop offs...just a tad disconcerting. We found a nice fellow traveler in the parking lot to get a picture of all the girls in one shot. A tour around the top included a trip to the gift shop (of course!) and a look see in the Tip Top Hotel. We were in and out of clouds for much of the visit, but managed a few moments of clarity and got someone to take a picture of Marilin, Les and Kathy at the summit marker. I kept looking around for someone advertising to do the return drive for a fee, but alas, there were no takers. I kept my eyes peeled to the road on the trip down. Doesn't pay to look over the side in those dizzying circumstances. Got a quick lunch at the bottom then off to North Conway and Cathedral Ledge.

Cathedral Ledge is a lovely overlook that you can drive or hike to. We opted to drive. The views from Cathedral Ledge are spectacular. There is also a view of the climbers...this being a popular climbing spot. The sign behind Gladys reminds people not to throw anything over the edge to avoid hitting the climbers. One would think you wouldn't have to tell people that, but oh well...

After the trip to Cathedral Ledge it was time to return to the cabin so we could make our date with Ken's Kove. We had a 6 p.m. lobster pick up time scheduled and we were not going to miss it. We did a Williams' family tradition with all the fixin's at the house and a pick up of steamed lobster. It was deeelish. I did end up haivng to take a quick lie down after we returned. The trip up Mt. Washington had given me a little bit of vertigo. I think the next time I attempt that I'll have to pay someone else to drive me up.

Gladys made a special cocktail for the ladies as a pre-dinner drink. I tried a sip. Tasted a lot like a margarita. The only three ingredients I can remember offhand are: 1 - 12 oz can frozen limeade, thawed; 8 oz tequila and; 1 corona. If I find the recipe I'll post.

Took a nice evening kayak with Kathy. Water was like glass. Quiet evening of reading and off to bed.

Friday was clean up and prepare to depart day. Sure wish we could have stayed longer. Kathy and I took a morning paddle. The lake was still clear as glass and wonderfully soothing. Saw the momma loon and poppa nearby keeping an eye on us.

Maureen, Marilin and Gladys stripped beds and ran laundry. Kathy and I stowed the kayaks and other dock gear. Raked the path to the lake so that others who follow will have an easier trip down the hill. Raked under the clothes lines and in the drive, trying to clear out the accumulation of years of leaves. Once all laundry was done it was time to make one more run into Bridgton. Took the laptop so Gladys and Kathy could print boarding passes at the library. Also wanted to check to make sure that Renys didn't have just one last thing that we couldn't do without. For the uninintiated Reny's is a Maine institution. A variety store stocked with all the basics you might need to furnish a cottage or even your own home if you're a Mainiac. they have a great assortment of seconds and over runs. You can find some great buys pretty cheap here. Managed to find a couple of trinkets. This is the Bridgton Renys which was expanded in 2008.

After all the errands were completed in Bridgton I had a request for ice cream. Well, if you're in Maine there is only one place for ice cream for the Williams clan. That's Shaner's in South Paris. Shaner's has been there for years. Used to be the store front for a local dairy and they make all their own ice cream....and sherbet as I found. So, we hopped in the car and drove over towards Norway and then into South Paris. Found Shaner's and the girls bellied up for ice cream.

Gladys waiting for her peanut butter ice cream and hot fudge sundae. Kathy with her "boring" (her words, not mine) vanilla and strawberry selection.

Marilin with her pistachio over maple walnut cone. Maureen waiting for her hot fudge sundae. I didn't get a picture of mine, but it was a huge serving of homemade orange sherbet. Shaner's comes through again.

On the way back stopped for a picture at the infamous all roads lead to somewhere exotic sign. The cabin is in Sweden, and we shop in Norway, South Paris, Paris and Oxford Hills. There must be a lot about the look of the Maine topography to remind folks of their homes in the old country.

Home to pack and eat up the leftovers. Packed the car and got everything ready for an early (but not too early) morning departure. Gladys was first out of the overpacked car with a flight from Portland on Saturday morning at 9:20. Kathy was next to be dropped at Logan Airport in Boston. Good thing she had a good book for her marathon wait for a 4:00 p.m. flight back to Nashville. Maureen, Les and Marilin made it back to McLean by about 9:00 p.m. and to a tasty dinner of grilled salmon and salad. That Terry is a keeper. All in all a fun week with the girls. Next up: a long weekend October of 2010 at Gladys's house in Patrick County. Wonder if there will be lobster?

Tuesday and Wednesday in Maine

Tuesday dawned clear and it was time to take to the water. I got in the kayak early and paddled around the north end of the lake. Saw two beaver and a pair of loons...with the mom sitting on the nest. She wasn't too happy about my paddling around, so I spent as little time near her as possible. Didn't want to spook her. Don't know as the beaver are such a great thing to see considering the level of damage they can do. Didn't see any obvious signs of dam building.

After breakfast it was time to head into Portland to pick up the fifth member of our group, Gladys, who was coming in for the remainder of the week. Found Gladys without any problems at the jetport. Got directions to the Lobster Shack in Cape Elizabeth just south of Portland. It ended up being a place where I had been with the inlaws and nieces and nephews many years ago. It's obviously a Portland area institution. Weather was a bit rainy so we couldn't sit outside at the picnic tables. The inside was nice, if very busy. Thanks, Maureen, for the lobster treat.

Marilin and Gladys wait patiently for our number to be called.

The lobster is here...time to dig in.

After lunch it's time to visit the cute gift shop beside the Lobster Shack. While I was inside shopping I got the seagull report from the other girls who had been wandering in and out. It seems the weather had cleared enough for some folks to sit outside and eat. One couple had a seagull swoop in and snag their container of fries. It flew to the next table and landed with the food and then was swarmed by the other seagulls. The food was gone in seconds. Apparently the gentleman of the couple was quite annoyed, but the woman had a good laugh over it as did everyone else who was watching.

Interesting yard sculpture in front of the gift shop.

The rocks at the shoreline look like petrified wood.

The girls after a very satisfying lobster lunch.

Next stop was the Portland Head light, another working light house. After a brief stop there it was on to LL Bean.

We did some power shopping. Here is Marilin doing what she does best...shopping and talking on the cell phone to Arthur.

Maureen got a nice watercolor of a Puffin. The art was displayed in the Starbucks around the corner from LL Bean. The artist was called by the Starbucks staff and she hustled over with an original for Maureen. At that point we figured we had made a pretty decent donation to the economy and headed back to the cabin to get Gladys settled in and to have dinner. Marilin and Maureen teamed up on a delicious pork roast with veggies and a salad. Then it was time for more wine and more chatter. You'd think we had solved all the problems of the world by this time, but noooo. Alas, no cards.

Wednesday was a pretty quiet day around the cabin and lake. A little too rainy to go find a decent hike. The weather cleared in the afternoon and Les, Gladys and Marilin took a trip in to Renys. Les decided to make penne pasta with butternut squash. A favorite recipe she found online this winter. Discovered some gluten free pasta at Renys to accommodate Maureen's allergy, and then off to Hanaford's for more ingredients and yet more wine. After dinner Marilin decided she was going to brave the water and kayaking. I had finally figured out how to get into and out of the kayaks from the dock, without ever having to set foot in the chilly Maine lake water. Kathy had figured it out too, so Marilin was convinced it was her turn. We went down to the water and got Marilin all suited up in a life vest and got her into the kayak without incident. Les got in the other one and we headed out towards the north end of the lake. Wanted to take a quick peek at the loon. Marilin had never seen one up close. After showing her how to paddle we set off on a glassy lake for a beautiful ride. All was going well, then we returned to our dock. Marilin came in a little bit too far to just reach out for the dock, so she decided to just scoot over. Well, for those of you who have ever been in a canoe or a kayak you will know that those small vessels don't "scoot" too well. In fact, all you achieve is upsetting the balance and then going ass over teacups into the drink. And that is exactly what Marilin did...with a whoop. She came up gasping (the water is THAT cold) and with her glasses intact on her face, but fogged up rendering her essentially blind. I yelled at her to put her feet down since she was in chest deep water. At least that was a blessing. So, we got her around to the dock stairs and got her on the dock and wrapped in a towel. The girls up at the cabin were in the living room reading, so had missed the ruckus. It was amusing and at least Marilin had a good laugh over it.